Work/Life "Balance"

At the VA, I have recently had a number of patients who have asked me why I'm not married.  If I may say so myself, I'm a reasonably attractive, successful 31 year old woman who likes to work out five days a week.  I have a great, stimulating job that, sure, keeps me at work late often, but I have many lovely friends, and fabulous parents and younger sister.  I'm a catch, right?

But still, this doesn't seem like enough for the general public.  Let's look at the new Supreme Court nominee, Elena Kagan.  She's not married and doesn't have kids.  She has a great high profile job as Solicitor General and has had faculty appointments at Ivy League law schools.  Same deal with Sonia Sotomayor. 

Why is everyone making such a big deal out of this (see the link below)?  Why isn't it enough for a woman to be professionally successful?  And why does personal success have to be measured with a husband and kids?  And if a single male candidate was being considered, would this even be an issue?

The fact is, it is really hard for women to reach the highest echelons of professional success without making some sacrifices.  It seems like, for men in the same situation, there are suitable partners--women who are willing to stay home and take care of the household.  However, for women who attain a certain amount of success in their lives, having a partner like this may not be suitable. 

I know I want to be with someone who is, at the very least, at the same professional and intelligence level as I am.  But I worry that this pool of men actually doesn't want to be with women like me.  I think this is precisely why successful women are single--we are not willing to settle, and the men who meet our criteria aren't interested.

Also, in order to get to break the glass ceiling, we ladies have to work very, very hard.  And that means very, very long hours.  Which means barely enough time for us to maintain our current friendships and family relationships...let alone go out socializing and hunting for men.  I am on call every other weekend and five nights a week.  And the weekends I'm not on call, I spend studying, doing research, preparing for cases, and then running my household.  So the time I should be spending searching for a spouse, I spend on other things.

When I sat down with my advisor last month, he agreed.  The current system is not designed for women to have a life outside of medicine.  He encouraged me to do my best to find that work/life balance with the knowledge that it would be difficult.  I hope that maybe once out of residency and fellowship, I can find that.  However, as each year goes by, I think about the fact that maybe a family life won't be in the cards for me because I continue to seek higher professional achievements.  And that I somehow made this decision without even realizing it...by just letting the years of medical school and residency float by with hard work and long hours.

Check out the article on NY Times:
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/16/fashion/16noticed.html?ref=fashion