The Doctor's Wife

Last Friday, I went out to dinner with one of the former chief residents and his wife.  They were back in town visiting some friends.  We herded up a few current residents and went to our favorite local fancy, not too fancy, restaurant.  He and his wife brought a couple bottles of wine, and a few glasses in, began to regale us with stories of the fabulous life in private practice...namely, all of the wonderful things that his wife had bought now that she had money to spend.

I have always been fascinated by this woman.  They were high school sweethearts, got married shortly before or during medical school.  Then they moved here to the Central Time Zone and started having kids.  Three of them--one during med school and then 2 during residency.  She quit her job as a dietitian when he started residency, and became a stay-at-home mom. 

She is working hard, raising the three kids while her husband is at work all day.  They bought the biggest house in their town and she recently purchased a $4000 washer/dryer set.  All though dinner, my former chief resident picked (in a joking way) at her spending habits, now that he was making the big bucks.

I recently started watching Mad Men, a great 1960's drama on AMC, and have become fascinated by the idea of the "housewife."  Seeing the chief and his wife together on Friday reminded me of this.  The 1960's housewife who cooks, entertains, always hair coiffed and nails done, and takes care of the kids.

I am fascinated because I know I could never be a housewife.  I don't understand the appeal and I feel like it's an unequal partnership in this day and age.  I like making my own money and having my own say about what happens to it.  I sure wouldn't spend $4000 on a washing machine, even when I'm an attending!  I don't think I could enjoy spending someone else's money either.

And perhaps it's the same independent streak that got me into surgery in the first place, but I don't think I could rely on someone to be the sole breadwinner either. 

It is an existence that is utterly opposite my own. 

There is a downside though.  Are educated men more interested in being with women who embrace this kind of lifestyle?

The make-up/break-up thought that I would always put my career ahead of family, and that I wouldn't want children, or that I wouldn't have time to have them because I would always be building my career.  It was one of the many reasons we broke up--he didn't think I would ever "settle down."  I think it is a common misconception that women who are ambitious in their career aren't ambitious in their personal lives as well.