It's been a little over three weeks since the official breakup with make-up/break-up and I joined my sister and some girlfriends for a leisurely brunch and Bloody Mary's at a local hot spot. My dear, wonderful sister came out to visit from the Eastern Time Zone to cheer me up, keep me company...and keep me from picking up the iPhone to text/call/Facebook the make-up/break-up.
Today, our discussion revolved around that age-old conundrum about breakups:
To be in contact...or not to be in contact...that is the question.
Make-up/break-up is an avid Facebooker. I update my status about once a week and check in once or twice a day despite the fact that it is easily and constantly accessible on my iPhone. I do enjoy Facebook because it's a great way to keep in touch with the majority of my close friends who actually reside in cities outside my own. However, in relationships, it can be a tangled web.
Make-up/break-up blocked me on Facebook for a brief time in the first week after the breakup. It hurt...a lot, but in some ways, I saw it as a blessing. No more temptation to check on what he's doing, who he's friending, and who he's posting pics with. Then, we had one totally disastrous phone call in which he admitted what he did and then proceeded to be angry with me about the whole situation. And...the crying lump of girl came out again. Aargh.
After that, I decided that I wasn't ready to talk to him on the phone. In trying to be the bigger person, I accepted his repeat request to be my friend on Facebook despite my trepidation. He texts me everyday, and out of respect for the nine months of joy we had, I do answer. My Facebook relationship status is empty and I generally have tried to be even less active.
But in maintaining even this small amount of contact, am I prolonging the sadness and keeping myself from healing and moving on? Is it better for both of us to just cut things off completely for awhile?
This is really foreign territory for me. My previous ex's and I have never been in touch. My ex-fiance never contacted me after he moved his stuff out of our house, and I never had a desire to contact him. Weirdly enough though, I did hear from his new fiancee. And even more weird, his aunt sent me a friend request on Facebook...last night. We have been over for three years!
Could make-up/break-up and I actually be friends? I don't know the answer to that yet. At the very least, we have the unfortunate bond of being in the same small specialty and knowing a lot of the same people. In the meanwhile, I will still respond to his texts within reason. However, the hurt is still too fresh for a phone call.
There have been a couple interesting essays about the whole Facebook and relationships conundrum. Check out these links from NPR and the New York Times Modern Love column:
Digital Tears: Breakups and Social Networks
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=123501060
The Boundaries of a Breakup
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/22/fashion/22love.html
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