Today I was in the operating room with one of my favorite attendings. It seems we always chat about various life issues in the OR--probably because he has an interesting clientele of patients that bring up various...well, reproductive issues.
So, somehow, the topic of my singledom came up. (Full disclosure...make-up/break-up was a rotating student in our department when I met him and everyone knew who he was.) We discussed how things didn't work out with make-up/break-up, essentially because he thought I was too career-minded and wouldn't settle down.
Vehemently, my attending stated, "You need to be with a non-physician."
He felt that as I'm choosing an academic career path, I need to be with a guy who would be okay with gallivanting off to meetings, willing to stay home with the kids, and basically function as a house husband. Being with another physician, he believed, would just lead to too many time and marital issues relating to sharing of responsibilities.
Hmmm...my live-in ex-fiance was a writer. Not a very successful writer. He had a lot of time on his hands while he was "creating." What he was creating is unknown to me, because I think it was all in his head. Nary a manuscript crossed my path. However, despite his abundance of time at home, I still was in charge of the household. Cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, bills. Then add medical school to the mix.
Needless to say, resentment started building. Things didn't work out between us for many reasons, but his lack of proactivity was definitely one of them. I don't mind the idea of being with a non-physician, but let's face it...physicians are generally motivated, proactive, and get stuff done. I don't care about the profession, I care about a partnership and sharing in the responsibilities.
Ultimately, part of the fun of being single again is that I have no idea what sort of person will cross my path each day. I don't know what kind of profession the ultimate guy is going to be part of. There are many things I don't know about this mystery person, but one thing I do know is that they will have to be proactive, somewhat adventurous, love to travel, and be a bit on the crazy side.
P.S. If there are any guys out there who meet that description, and live in the Eastern Time Zone, feel free to shoot me a message! ;)
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
The First Day of Spring
Yesterday, I woke up and realized that I didn't miss make-up/break-up anymore.
Do you remember that great episode of My So-Called Life when Claire Danes' character, Angela, is totally over her crush, Jordan Catalano (played by the hunky Jared Leto), and she dances like a free, mad woman to the Violent Femmes' "Blister in the Sun?"
Yeah. That's how I felt when I woke up yesterday. I have basically been feeling sorry for myself for the past two months (aargh, has it really been that long??)...but then, this week, I just got sick of being pathetic. Was it coincidence that yesterday was the first day of spring? The equinox? A day on which light and dark are equal, and then, ever so slowly, the light starts to take over?
Okay, I'm so not that kind of breezy, new-age gal. But somehow, spring has bloomed in my mind. I suddenly started to feel excited about all of the things in my life that I should have been excited about for the past few months--finishing residency, moving to an exciting city in the Eastern Time Zone, my brilliant sister's impending nuptials, a coming trip...even my fellowship research project that is currently budding.
Though it was actually snowing here on the first day of spring, somewhere in my heart and mind, there were daffodils. For the past two months, it felt like this day would never come, but it's amazing what the tincture of time has done for my broken heart. With each day since the break-up, I have for once truly put time and thought into healing. With each day, I have quietly, without even knowing it, become a little bit stronger.
Now, do I feel like I could grow another relationship yet? Not so much. But like a spring tulip, there's always the chance of rebirth.
Do you remember that great episode of My So-Called Life when Claire Danes' character, Angela, is totally over her crush, Jordan Catalano (played by the hunky Jared Leto), and she dances like a free, mad woman to the Violent Femmes' "Blister in the Sun?"
Yeah. That's how I felt when I woke up yesterday. I have basically been feeling sorry for myself for the past two months (aargh, has it really been that long??)...but then, this week, I just got sick of being pathetic. Was it coincidence that yesterday was the first day of spring? The equinox? A day on which light and dark are equal, and then, ever so slowly, the light starts to take over?
Okay, I'm so not that kind of breezy, new-age gal. But somehow, spring has bloomed in my mind. I suddenly started to feel excited about all of the things in my life that I should have been excited about for the past few months--finishing residency, moving to an exciting city in the Eastern Time Zone, my brilliant sister's impending nuptials, a coming trip...even my fellowship research project that is currently budding.
Though it was actually snowing here on the first day of spring, somewhere in my heart and mind, there were daffodils. For the past two months, it felt like this day would never come, but it's amazing what the tincture of time has done for my broken heart. With each day since the break-up, I have for once truly put time and thought into healing. With each day, I have quietly, without even knowing it, become a little bit stronger.
Now, do I feel like I could grow another relationship yet? Not so much. But like a spring tulip, there's always the chance of rebirth.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
The Doctor's Wife
Last Friday, I went out to dinner with one of the former chief residents and his wife. They were back in town visiting some friends. We herded up a few current residents and went to our favorite local fancy, not too fancy, restaurant. He and his wife brought a couple bottles of wine, and a few glasses in, began to regale us with stories of the fabulous life in private practice...namely, all of the wonderful things that his wife had bought now that she had money to spend.
I have always been fascinated by this woman. They were high school sweethearts, got married shortly before or during medical school. Then they moved here to the Central Time Zone and started having kids. Three of them--one during med school and then 2 during residency. She quit her job as a dietitian when he started residency, and became a stay-at-home mom.
She is working hard, raising the three kids while her husband is at work all day. They bought the biggest house in their town and she recently purchased a $4000 washer/dryer set. All though dinner, my former chief resident picked (in a joking way) at her spending habits, now that he was making the big bucks.
I recently started watching Mad Men, a great 1960's drama on AMC, and have become fascinated by the idea of the "housewife." Seeing the chief and his wife together on Friday reminded me of this. The 1960's housewife who cooks, entertains, always hair coiffed and nails done, and takes care of the kids.
I am fascinated because I know I could never be a housewife. I don't understand the appeal and I feel like it's an unequal partnership in this day and age. I like making my own money and having my own say about what happens to it. I sure wouldn't spend $4000 on a washing machine, even when I'm an attending! I don't think I could enjoy spending someone else's money either.
And perhaps it's the same independent streak that got me into surgery in the first place, but I don't think I could rely on someone to be the sole breadwinner either.
It is an existence that is utterly opposite my own.
There is a downside though. Are educated men more interested in being with women who embrace this kind of lifestyle?
The make-up/break-up thought that I would always put my career ahead of family, and that I wouldn't want children, or that I wouldn't have time to have them because I would always be building my career. It was one of the many reasons we broke up--he didn't think I would ever "settle down." I think it is a common misconception that women who are ambitious in their career aren't ambitious in their personal lives as well.
I have always been fascinated by this woman. They were high school sweethearts, got married shortly before or during medical school. Then they moved here to the Central Time Zone and started having kids. Three of them--one during med school and then 2 during residency. She quit her job as a dietitian when he started residency, and became a stay-at-home mom.
She is working hard, raising the three kids while her husband is at work all day. They bought the biggest house in their town and she recently purchased a $4000 washer/dryer set. All though dinner, my former chief resident picked (in a joking way) at her spending habits, now that he was making the big bucks.
I recently started watching Mad Men, a great 1960's drama on AMC, and have become fascinated by the idea of the "housewife." Seeing the chief and his wife together on Friday reminded me of this. The 1960's housewife who cooks, entertains, always hair coiffed and nails done, and takes care of the kids.
I am fascinated because I know I could never be a housewife. I don't understand the appeal and I feel like it's an unequal partnership in this day and age. I like making my own money and having my own say about what happens to it. I sure wouldn't spend $4000 on a washing machine, even when I'm an attending! I don't think I could enjoy spending someone else's money either.
And perhaps it's the same independent streak that got me into surgery in the first place, but I don't think I could rely on someone to be the sole breadwinner either.
It is an existence that is utterly opposite my own.
There is a downside though. Are educated men more interested in being with women who embrace this kind of lifestyle?
The make-up/break-up thought that I would always put my career ahead of family, and that I wouldn't want children, or that I wouldn't have time to have them because I would always be building my career. It was one of the many reasons we broke up--he didn't think I would ever "settle down." I think it is a common misconception that women who are ambitious in their career aren't ambitious in their personal lives as well.
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