Breaking Up is Hard to Do: Part One

It is hard to quit something "cold turkey."  Generally, as a resident you have plenty of distractions to keep you busy to numb the pain.  The pager is going off, there are patients to take care of, there are surgeries to concentrate on.  But as the chief resident, a lot of the annoying, but wonderfully distracting stuff goes away.  Instead, I am left with an overactive mind and more time on my hands than I've had in four years.

So, during residency, what do you do to heal a broken heart?

Last time I went through this rigmarole, I was a second year resident dealing with the end of my engagement.  More on this one later.  Luckily, I was on call every other night and spent a lot of time just being sleep-deprived and numb.  Oh yeah, and I also took up running.  Because I might as well be getting in shape while I'm literally running away from my problems, right?  In time, the pain just sort of went away.  While this was a very productive way to avoid dealing with a break-up, it probably was not the best way to actually deal with the messy emotions that come with ending a long-term relationship.

This time around, I decided that since I have the luxury of more time, I would actually deal with the messy emotions instead of hiding them in a box with his belongings and giving them away to Goodwill.

So, instead of picking up my iPhone to check out his profile on Facebook, I call my family and friends to talk.  I went skiing again and practiced my new sport on the slopes--it felt good, peaceful, athletic, and I conquered the green runs. I don't know if it's the surgeon in me, but when I'm mad, I have a need for speed.  I am accepting every single invitation to go out and mingle.  Even though all I want to do is curl up into a ball, sit on the couch, and be a crying lump of a girl, I am forcing myself to put on make-up, cute clothes, and rejoin the human race. 

Overall, I am allowing myself to grieve this.  I am accepting each emotion as it comes, examining it, dealing with it, and then putting it away.  I want to be mentally healthy, and I want my heart to be open for whatever the future may bring.  Most of all...I don't want to be bitter about love.

Interestingly, in the past, after a break-up, I have tried to jump into a new relationship or a hook-up as quickly as possible.  But this time, I have no desire to do such a thing.  Maybe it has to do with the finite time I am going to be here in the Central Time Zone.  Or maybe, I've grown up a bit and realized that the best and only rebound is the kind that's happens in a basketball game.