All the Single Ladies

Grad Stud #2 recently sent me an email and re-entered my life.  Not to worry ladies, Grad Stud #1 is completely out of the picture.

Grad Stud #2 and I have an amazing epistolary relationship.  We fire emails back and forth regarding our mutual disdain for the Republican debates, the lack of universal health coverage in our country, NPR...I could go on and on about the email courtship of two left-leaning individuals.

So what's the problem, right?  When I meet him in real life, there's just...nothing.  I'm not sure I feel attracted to him physically and the conversation is overly animated witty repartee on my side to make up for the lack of emotion and utter seriousness on his side.  I've tried to pass it off to nerves on his end...but you'd think that after three dates that maybe things would loosen up a bit.

Tonight I'm going to tell him that we should just be friends.

Aside from Grad Stud #2, there have been a couple other dates since the last post way back in August, but these were also lackluster.  I went out with one really weird dude who still sends me short little email snippets (i.e. "Hope things are well with you!").  I guess it's amusing.  The other guy...we just didn't mesh.

Honestly, though I occasionally have moments where I want to meet someone and do the whole "settling down" thing, I am more frequently terrified by that idea. 

I see the majority of my high school, college, and med school classmates on Facebook with their S.O.'s and pictures of children growing by leaps and bounds.  I feel like I'm supposed to want all of that. 

But instead, I really really love my job.  If I have learned anything in the last couple months, it's that I missed clinical medicine last year while I was on research.  I love being able to spend time on my job and not be pulled in a million directions.  I love having an active and drama-free social life.  I love being available to help out my family when they need it.  And most of all...I love having my freedom.  Some of my settled friends might call these feelings "delayed adulthood" brought on by extra years of training.  Another word I have heard is "selfishness."  Or maybe this is just the way I am built.

Though I may be single, I am not alone in my sentiments.  There are more and more single women out there who are single by choice or by the reality of a lack of suitable partners.  This article from The Atlantic ("All the Single Ladies") poignantly and eloquently states the case.  

One of my mentors told me that in order to be a good surgeon and researcher, I might have to find a path all my own and that my professional future may look different than I expect.  Perhaps the same is true for the personal futures of us single ladies.  Maybe the future of relationships isn't the nuclear family with 2.5 children.  Maybe we will create new realities, relationships, and families that are unique to each individual.