It's official. I ended things with Make-Up/Break-Up almost exactly one year ago. I have been single for a year--the longest stretch of singledom I've had in nearly ten years.
So what is the State of the Disunion currently?
My fellow SFS's. I stand here today as a Single Female Surgeon who is proud of her personal triumphs and failures over the past one year.
I am proud of the fact that I chose my personal happiness over someone who wanted to stifle it, that I chose to punish infidelity instead of accept it. That I made a career choice that has led to incredible professional and personal experiences and flourishing lifetime friendships and colleagues. I am pleased that the career choice led me to a Time Zone and a city that I love--to the point that I wonder what the hell took me so long to get here, and why in the past I ever doubted my choice to come.
I am proud that last weekend, I found out that Make-Up/Break-Up has a girlfriend, and I finally cut him out of my life completely. That five dollars per month of AT&T call and text blocking is the best money I have spent in a long time. No more ambushes--after all, what is he doing calling/texting when he has a girlfriend anyways?
As part of the personal failures...I am not proud that it took me a year to finally do this.
My fellow SFS's, there is still much work that lies ahead. I want to enjoy solitude without feeling lonely. I want to continue to expand my adventurous side without breaking the budget. I want to break down the trade barriers around my heart and get over my fear of getting hurt.
But overall, the State of the Disunion is this: I am proud to be managing my life and happiness as an independent woman, while still believing that he's out there somewhere.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
The Flood
As a gal who has grown up in houses in the Central Time Zone, this apartment living thing is a bit new. My place is perched high up in a high rise building. A bit impersonal at times, but nothing beats the view.
About a month ago, there was a flood in my apartment. My kitchen to be exact. Sewage water in the cabinets, pots and pans, dishwasher, dishes, etc. It was a bit traumatic to come home and find some of the (actually very, very nice and helpful) building maintenance men working to stem a tide of dirty dishwater.
After a long night of loud roto-rootering, the problem was fixed, and the flood was resolved. What was not resolved, however, was the mess of my kitchenwares.
I do like to cook. Nothing too fancy--I'm definitely a "follow-the-recipe-with-few-modifications-mainly-pertaining-to-what-I-have-in-my-cabinets/refrigerator-at-the-time" kind of cook. Simple things that are tasty and filling and don't require a lot of time, but will make enough quantity for at least a week of late suppers after a long day at work. If the recipe requires a slow cooker that will work while I sleep, even better.
In keeping with my rather weak cooking skills, I have an odd mishmash of kitchenwares. Most of the items were donated by my mother (an amazing cook) when I started med school. I have pots and pans that I've owned for ten years, but in actuality have been in the family name for closer to thirty.
While most of these items have probably been at retirement age for at least the last five years, I haven't replaced them, and instead, carried them with me across the country to fellowship.
What was I waiting for?
Well, it took a flood for me to realize it: I'm sad to say that I think I've been waiting to get married. I think I hoped that I'd restock the kitchen with things picked out by me and this fictional fiance on our registry. That my real kitchen would happen when I started my "real life."
But wait. This IS my real life. I may be single, but it's still a life. I have parties, I have friends and co-fellows over for dinner, I'll even occasionally cook something more complex than my staple comfort (easy) foods. So why am I waiting?
I decided to stop waiting and start living. I have been single for nearly a year--the longest time I have been single in nearly a decade. If I have learned anything this year, it's how to be independent. I mean, I've always been pretty independent ideologically, professionally, and financially. However, this year, I have learned how to be comfortable as "just one."
So, I did a little shopping around. I picked out some new pots and pans, dishes, and cookware. Then, I happily christened them with some slightly complex cooking...just for me.
About a month ago, there was a flood in my apartment. My kitchen to be exact. Sewage water in the cabinets, pots and pans, dishwasher, dishes, etc. It was a bit traumatic to come home and find some of the (actually very, very nice and helpful) building maintenance men working to stem a tide of dirty dishwater.
After a long night of loud roto-rootering, the problem was fixed, and the flood was resolved. What was not resolved, however, was the mess of my kitchenwares.
I do like to cook. Nothing too fancy--I'm definitely a "follow-the-recipe-with-few-modifications-mainly-pertaining-to-what-I-have-in-my-cabinets/refrigerator-at-the-time" kind of cook. Simple things that are tasty and filling and don't require a lot of time, but will make enough quantity for at least a week of late suppers after a long day at work. If the recipe requires a slow cooker that will work while I sleep, even better.
In keeping with my rather weak cooking skills, I have an odd mishmash of kitchenwares. Most of the items were donated by my mother (an amazing cook) when I started med school. I have pots and pans that I've owned for ten years, but in actuality have been in the family name for closer to thirty.
While most of these items have probably been at retirement age for at least the last five years, I haven't replaced them, and instead, carried them with me across the country to fellowship.
What was I waiting for?
Well, it took a flood for me to realize it: I'm sad to say that I think I've been waiting to get married. I think I hoped that I'd restock the kitchen with things picked out by me and this fictional fiance on our registry. That my real kitchen would happen when I started my "real life."
But wait. This IS my real life. I may be single, but it's still a life. I have parties, I have friends and co-fellows over for dinner, I'll even occasionally cook something more complex than my staple comfort (easy) foods. So why am I waiting?
I decided to stop waiting and start living. I have been single for nearly a year--the longest time I have been single in nearly a decade. If I have learned anything this year, it's how to be independent. I mean, I've always been pretty independent ideologically, professionally, and financially. However, this year, I have learned how to be comfortable as "just one."
So, I did a little shopping around. I picked out some new pots and pans, dishes, and cookware. Then, I happily christened them with some slightly complex cooking...just for me.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Happy New Year!
Happy New Year, my dear Single Female Surgeons!
Well, I can't believe that this is already the one year anniversary of sex and the scalpel. It's been a wild ride, a rollercoaster of ups and downs, and I can't thank you enough for your insight and readership throughout this year.
I started this blog because of a major shift in my thought process about balance in my career and life. I guess I always assumed that I was good at doing the balancing act--doing well at work, working out, friends, family, fun--in no particular order. After falling in love with Make-Up/Break-Up, and the ensuing break-up that resulted due to my career choices, I realized that maybe all wasn't perfect in my perfect little world. That maybe I really didn't have it all.
In some ways, it was painfully apparent to me last night. As I got dolled up for a night on the town with friends--most of whom are in a relationship--I realized that in fact, I really dislike New Year's Eve. It's the one day of the year that I actually feel bad about being single, and worry that maybe all of the good things currently in my life aren't enough. Sure, I could find someone random to kiss at midnight, but I've reached that point in life where I'm greedy. The random hookup simply will not suffice. I want more, and deserve more. As I headed home last night, the entire subway was a veritable Noah's Ark--two by two. Until I find that person crazy enough to travel through life with me, who enhances instead of detracts from the whole career/life balancing act thing, I'm okay with going it alone.
Though I'm one year older, I can't say that I'm all the wiser, but someday, through this blog and the wonderful conversations with SFS's and those outside of medicine, I hope to be able to gain some insight into this maze that seems to only get more complex as each day goes by.
In the meanwhile, I'm going to sit down with some Gatorade for my hangover, think a bit, write some resolutions, and then get ready for my date tonight.
Happy New Year, dear SFS's! May all your dreams come true in 2011!
Well, I can't believe that this is already the one year anniversary of sex and the scalpel. It's been a wild ride, a rollercoaster of ups and downs, and I can't thank you enough for your insight and readership throughout this year.
I started this blog because of a major shift in my thought process about balance in my career and life. I guess I always assumed that I was good at doing the balancing act--doing well at work, working out, friends, family, fun--in no particular order. After falling in love with Make-Up/Break-Up, and the ensuing break-up that resulted due to my career choices, I realized that maybe all wasn't perfect in my perfect little world. That maybe I really didn't have it all.
In some ways, it was painfully apparent to me last night. As I got dolled up for a night on the town with friends--most of whom are in a relationship--I realized that in fact, I really dislike New Year's Eve. It's the one day of the year that I actually feel bad about being single, and worry that maybe all of the good things currently in my life aren't enough. Sure, I could find someone random to kiss at midnight, but I've reached that point in life where I'm greedy. The random hookup simply will not suffice. I want more, and deserve more. As I headed home last night, the entire subway was a veritable Noah's Ark--two by two. Until I find that person crazy enough to travel through life with me, who enhances instead of detracts from the whole career/life balancing act thing, I'm okay with going it alone.
Though I'm one year older, I can't say that I'm all the wiser, but someday, through this blog and the wonderful conversations with SFS's and those outside of medicine, I hope to be able to gain some insight into this maze that seems to only get more complex as each day goes by.
In the meanwhile, I'm going to sit down with some Gatorade for my hangover, think a bit, write some resolutions, and then get ready for my date tonight.
Happy New Year, dear SFS's! May all your dreams come true in 2011!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
