Three Ups and Three Downs

I was out at a bar the other night with some friends and met an interesting guy.  He was a financial type, Indian, and age-appropriate.  Very gregarious.  We got to talking and hit it off.  He was smart and funny, and seemed interesting.  Perhaps most importantly, he seemed secure and not intimidated by me or what I do.

The evening progressed and he, my friends, and I were having a great time.  At the end of the night, we kissed and he asked me out on a date.

So we went out on Friday night.  I picked the cuisine (sushi), he picked the restaurant.  We met up and he was actually cuter than I remembered.  We ordered a bottle of sake and started talking.  The first hour went great...then I think he started to get inebriated and then everything started to go downhill...

Clearly, this guy was not as secure as I thought he was.  He began psychoanalyzing me.  He started a game called "3 ups and 3 downs."  He wanted me to tell him three things I liked about him and three things I didn't.  Then, he would do the same.  Somehow, I convinced him to start first.  The ups were pretty much superficial: oohh...you're so pretty.  Gag.  The downs, well the downs were down and dirty:

You're so innocent--don't lose your innocence.
You're so scared to trust--you've built a wall around you and keep everyone at arm's length.
You're so shy and need to be more outgoing.

I'm getting angry again just writing this.  He was so proud of himself for "getting me" after knowing me for mere hours.  He even told me that he wanted to work on these "issues" while we were together.  Aargh!

I was pissed off.  He started planning out our next dates and even had the audacity to determine on which date I would be willing to go to fourth base--date number 10--if I could "hold out that long."  Yeah.  This guy is definitely a winner.

Needless to say, this date ended with me being visibly upset, him getting in a cab and me getting on the subway to meet up with my friends for a drink and a replay of the evening.  Interestingly, the next day, he texted me because he had a great time and wanted to hang out again.  So. Not. Happening. Dude.

When I reviewed the "game tape" with my friends, I found out about a new phenomenon.  Am I the last person on earth to hear about The Game?  And negs?  I'm doing a bit of research on this topic.  More to come soon.

Arranged Dating

As an Indian woman in her early 30's, there is a constant pressure from parents and the community to get married--at any length.  Especially as my younger sister has recently gotten married, it seems the ante has been upped.  My dad--I think in half joking and half seriousness--advised me to "chase lots of boys" during my research year.

I've never been much of a chaser and recent experiences have pretty much turned me off to that.  So, enter the "Indian Parent Network."

Recently, a friend of my parents approached them about an eligible Indian man who was looking.  My parents immediately called me to broach the subject.  They could barely contain their excitement and glee. I, on the other hand, could barely contain my cynicism. 

The gentleman is a cardiologist and lives in the Western Time Zone.  (Strike one--long distance)  Supposedly he is very supportive of my career--already. (Strike two--really?  Really?  Does he even know what I do for a living?!)  He was so supportive, he was "willing to move anywhere."  (Strike three--sounds like desperation)  What kind of freakazoid could this be?

After some arguing, I finally relented to my parents' plea to give him my number.  They pulled out all the stops to convince me: you're getting OLD, the pool of men is getting low, this is a "golden opportunity" that won't come around again.

Literally, about twenty minutes after I got off the phone with my parents, I got a call from a number I didn't recognize.  See strike 3 above.  I never thought the guy would actually call THAT quickly, but he did!  For the next forty minutes, he proceeded with a soliloquy about himself.  Dudes, just so you know, that is a bad idea.  Girls want to know you are interested more than just yourself.  I don't know if he was just nervous, but I could not get a word in edgewise!

Needless to say, with each passing sentence in the forty minute, one-sided conversation, I realized we just weren't compatible.  Also, he was a good five years older than me, and I'm not sure he realized that he'd have to move to the Eastern Time Zone for three years while I complete my fellowship. 

But...this dude is persistent.  He now wants to come to the Eastern Time Zone to meet me.  I'm on the fence.  On the one hand, I feel like I'm watching a train wreck and can't look away.  On the other hand, do I just settle, accept this business arrangement because not much else is happening?

"Boreds"

Hello ladies.  Sorry that SingleFemaleSurgeon has been on a bit of a hiatus.  The dastardly boards were today, and studying for them has put a serious cramp on the opportunity to find fodder for the blog.

So...tomorrow night I am going out to celebrate the end of another one of the many rites of passage on the road to becoming a physician.

I will report back on the debauchery...

Gentlemen, A Suggestion

I do dig new technology.  I think most surgeons love new toys and their various applications, both inside the operating room and out.  It's fun to figure out the new gizmo and try out the various bells and whistles.  It's even a bonding experience and a conversation starter between surgeons and individuals.  Even though I got my iPhone a year ago, I still think it's the best, most useful toy that I own, and we are never very far apart from each other.

At the same time, I have been slightly disturbed by how ingrained into my life it has become.  Because I do everything on my phone, it is always with me--grocery lists, talking, texting, emailing, directions.  But at the same time, I feel like it runs my life a bit, too.  I am immediately accessible to everyone via multiple modes of communication.  Every time I hear that "ding," it's like a Pavlovian reflex to whip it out, check what's going on, and reply.

I have recently realized I don't want to be that accessible.  This has probably occurred over the past several months in which make-up/break-up (who is most definitely a serial texter) constantly bombarded me with texts.  So, I started ignoring the phone--or at least gave myself like ten minutes to finish whatever I was in the middle of.  When I am out with other people, I try to "live in the moment" and only check my phone occasionally and discreetly. 

When I hung out with Freaked Out Single Male Surgeon, however, I noticed that he constantly was on his iPhone.  I even started to feel a bit...well, jealous of the iPhone.  It had such a hold on him he checked in on Facebook while we were hanging out.  Every time it dinged, it killed the conversation, and we would have to backtrack because he had to check his phone. 

And it's not just him.  Multiple times, I have done the same thing in a group of friends or with my family.  Last night, I was out with friends having a drink, and at one point I realized the two gentlemen I was with were both texting on their phones and I was left to converse with my beer.

Perhaps I'm lame because I don't get that many emails or text messages, but really...gentlemen...just a suggestion.  Let's both put our phones away for a little bit and have an uninterrupted face-to-face conversation!