Arranged Dating Part Deux: The Infamous Date Itself

I feel like there's been a lot of build-up for Arranged Dating Guy.  For the past six weeks, between my parents (well, my dad), the blog, the Brain Trust, and even myself, there's been a lot of speculation.

You all know how disastrous our first conversations were--at least from my perspective.  You all know how the recent dates have gone--a series of hits and mostly misses.

Despite all of this, I couldn't help but wonder whether I was going to meet my future husband on Wednesday night.  It added an air of excitement, anticipation, and gut-wrenching fear to the evening.  If I wanted to get married in the next one year, all I had to do was say the word after this meeting.

I had made reservations for dinner at a local hot spot that I have been wanting to try.  As I got ready for the date, I tried to maintain some perspective and keep an open mind as the Brain Trust recommended.  I put some effort into my appearance (I bought a dress), and wondered whether it would be love or dislike at first sight.

As I tottered my way to the restaurant in precariously tall heels (yeah, I went all out), I found Arranged Dating Guy waiting in the entry.

Immediately, in spite of all my openness and perspective, I knew this date was doomed.

Perhaps I'm being too picky...but gentlemen, a bit of advice.  If you're meeting a potential future wife at a local hot spot, jeans and a T-shirt will not suffice.  Please.  At least pretend like you're trying!

We sat down to dinner, perused the menu, ordered drinks (well, I ordered a drink--he doesn't drink), and started talking.  In the two hours we spent together, it was apparent that we had nothing in common.  He doesn't read, I do.  He doesn't like exploring the world, I do.  He hates big cities, I love them.  The list could go on and on.

At the end of the date,  I asked him to put his cards on the table.  What were his intentions here?

He stated (in checklist form) that he had completed his education, residency, fellowship, and was in a stable private practice job.  It was time to get married and have kids.  He stated he wanted to get married within the next year.  He didn't want to move to my city, but preferred to have a long-distance relationship until I could join him.

Though it may sound shocking, it was all what I expected.  I thanked him for his time and sent him on his way.  I don't want to do long distance--especially after everything that happened with Make-up/Break-up.  Nor do I want to be an action item on someone's checklist.  No matter how good the action is.  It all felt like a job interview and a business arrangement.  Not like love.

I have to say I went through a bit of withdrawal after the date.  I had ended things with Older Guy, Saxophone Guy, and now the Arranged Date was over.  Tabula rasa.  Back to inner game, exploring the world, and perhaps running into love along the way...

Arranged Dating

As an Indian woman in her early 30's, there is a constant pressure from parents and the community to get married--at any length.  Especially as my younger sister has recently gotten married, it seems the ante has been upped.  My dad--I think in half joking and half seriousness--advised me to "chase lots of boys" during my research year.

I've never been much of a chaser and recent experiences have pretty much turned me off to that.  So, enter the "Indian Parent Network."

Recently, a friend of my parents approached them about an eligible Indian man who was looking.  My parents immediately called me to broach the subject.  They could barely contain their excitement and glee. I, on the other hand, could barely contain my cynicism. 

The gentleman is a cardiologist and lives in the Western Time Zone.  (Strike one--long distance)  Supposedly he is very supportive of my career--already. (Strike two--really?  Really?  Does he even know what I do for a living?!)  He was so supportive, he was "willing to move anywhere."  (Strike three--sounds like desperation)  What kind of freakazoid could this be?

After some arguing, I finally relented to my parents' plea to give him my number.  They pulled out all the stops to convince me: you're getting OLD, the pool of men is getting low, this is a "golden opportunity" that won't come around again.

Literally, about twenty minutes after I got off the phone with my parents, I got a call from a number I didn't recognize.  See strike 3 above.  I never thought the guy would actually call THAT quickly, but he did!  For the next forty minutes, he proceeded with a soliloquy about himself.  Dudes, just so you know, that is a bad idea.  Girls want to know you are interested more than just yourself.  I don't know if he was just nervous, but I could not get a word in edgewise!

Needless to say, with each passing sentence in the forty minute, one-sided conversation, I realized we just weren't compatible.  Also, he was a good five years older than me, and I'm not sure he realized that he'd have to move to the Eastern Time Zone for three years while I complete my fellowship. 

But...this dude is persistent.  He now wants to come to the Eastern Time Zone to meet me.  I'm on the fence.  On the one hand, I feel like I'm watching a train wreck and can't look away.  On the other hand, do I just settle, accept this business arrangement because not much else is happening?