u r nutz

The other night, I thought I met someone nice, interesting, and well-adjusted.  We had a few beverages, talked, snuggled.  I thought it all went swimmingly.

Then, the next day, I got a text message from him:

u r nutz

Aside from the utterly annoying lack of grammatical decency, I was floored by the bluntness.  What on earth does this mean?  And why, oh why, would you ever say that to someone you barely know?

Then, I started to wonder if maybe he was right.  I looked over the blog posts from the past nine months, and the ridiculous cemetery of my past relationships and recent dates.  Why do men think I'm a project?  And why do they make these snap judgments?  Is this some new pick-up scheme?  The extreme "neg?"

I started to wonder if maybe there was something to this text message.  Maybe I am actually crazy, I don't have the insight to realize and fix it, and that's why I'm still single?  I started frantically Googling DSM criteria and diagnoses like a first year medical student.  Did any of the diagnoses fit me?  Oooh...maybe I have a personality disorder?  Borderline?  Narcissist?  Avoidant?  Or, rue on me, maybe antisocial?

After a little bit, I calmed myself down.  We all have issues, quirks, baggage--even this Nutz Guy.  Especially after the trauma that is nearly fifteen years of delayed gratification, schooling, and residency.  We also have our ups and downs.  We all have insecurities.  And even in a huge new city, in a profession in which we are constantly surrounded by people, we can still be lonely.

I let the text message get me down for (embarrassingly) several days.  Then, I decided to let it roll off my back.  I don't think I'm crazy, but a little self-exploration is a generally healthy thing.

But I won't be seeing Nutz Guy again.  Or maybe I'll reconsider, if he starts spelling out his words like a normal person.

Three Ups and Three Downs

I was out at a bar the other night with some friends and met an interesting guy.  He was a financial type, Indian, and age-appropriate.  Very gregarious.  We got to talking and hit it off.  He was smart and funny, and seemed interesting.  Perhaps most importantly, he seemed secure and not intimidated by me or what I do.

The evening progressed and he, my friends, and I were having a great time.  At the end of the night, we kissed and he asked me out on a date.

So we went out on Friday night.  I picked the cuisine (sushi), he picked the restaurant.  We met up and he was actually cuter than I remembered.  We ordered a bottle of sake and started talking.  The first hour went great...then I think he started to get inebriated and then everything started to go downhill...

Clearly, this guy was not as secure as I thought he was.  He began psychoanalyzing me.  He started a game called "3 ups and 3 downs."  He wanted me to tell him three things I liked about him and three things I didn't.  Then, he would do the same.  Somehow, I convinced him to start first.  The ups were pretty much superficial: oohh...you're so pretty.  Gag.  The downs, well the downs were down and dirty:

You're so innocent--don't lose your innocence.
You're so scared to trust--you've built a wall around you and keep everyone at arm's length.
You're so shy and need to be more outgoing.

I'm getting angry again just writing this.  He was so proud of himself for "getting me" after knowing me for mere hours.  He even told me that he wanted to work on these "issues" while we were together.  Aargh!

I was pissed off.  He started planning out our next dates and even had the audacity to determine on which date I would be willing to go to fourth base--date number 10--if I could "hold out that long."  Yeah.  This guy is definitely a winner.

Needless to say, this date ended with me being visibly upset, him getting in a cab and me getting on the subway to meet up with my friends for a drink and a replay of the evening.  Interestingly, the next day, he texted me because he had a great time and wanted to hang out again.  So. Not. Happening. Dude.

When I reviewed the "game tape" with my friends, I found out about a new phenomenon.  Am I the last person on earth to hear about The Game?  And negs?  I'm doing a bit of research on this topic.  More to come soon.