"Boreds"

Hello ladies.  Sorry that SingleFemaleSurgeon has been on a bit of a hiatus.  The dastardly boards were today, and studying for them has put a serious cramp on the opportunity to find fodder for the blog.

So...tomorrow night I am going out to celebrate the end of another one of the many rites of passage on the road to becoming a physician.

I will report back on the debauchery...

Gentlemen, A Suggestion

I do dig new technology.  I think most surgeons love new toys and their various applications, both inside the operating room and out.  It's fun to figure out the new gizmo and try out the various bells and whistles.  It's even a bonding experience and a conversation starter between surgeons and individuals.  Even though I got my iPhone a year ago, I still think it's the best, most useful toy that I own, and we are never very far apart from each other.

At the same time, I have been slightly disturbed by how ingrained into my life it has become.  Because I do everything on my phone, it is always with me--grocery lists, talking, texting, emailing, directions.  But at the same time, I feel like it runs my life a bit, too.  I am immediately accessible to everyone via multiple modes of communication.  Every time I hear that "ding," it's like a Pavlovian reflex to whip it out, check what's going on, and reply.

I have recently realized I don't want to be that accessible.  This has probably occurred over the past several months in which make-up/break-up (who is most definitely a serial texter) constantly bombarded me with texts.  So, I started ignoring the phone--or at least gave myself like ten minutes to finish whatever I was in the middle of.  When I am out with other people, I try to "live in the moment" and only check my phone occasionally and discreetly. 

When I hung out with Freaked Out Single Male Surgeon, however, I noticed that he constantly was on his iPhone.  I even started to feel a bit...well, jealous of the iPhone.  It had such a hold on him he checked in on Facebook while we were hanging out.  Every time it dinged, it killed the conversation, and we would have to backtrack because he had to check his phone. 

And it's not just him.  Multiple times, I have done the same thing in a group of friends or with my family.  Last night, I was out with friends having a drink, and at one point I realized the two gentlemen I was with were both texting on their phones and I was left to converse with my beer.

Perhaps I'm lame because I don't get that many emails or text messages, but really...gentlemen...just a suggestion.  Let's both put our phones away for a little bit and have an uninterrupted face-to-face conversation!

SingleFemaleSurgeon Goes on a First Date

I'm not usually huge on "arranged dating," but my roommate and her friend decided to take on the disaster that is SingleFemaleSurgeon and set up a semi-blind date.

It felt kind of surreal actually.  It seems like people don't really go on dates anymore--there's a lot of just random hanging out in groups of people and then hooking up.  Certainly, this is how I've met my last couple boyfriends.  I don't think I've actually been asked on a bona fide date in probably about two years--when I had a short stint doing online dating.

So, after some emailing back and forth, we set up a time to do coffee.  We went to a cute, lively coffee shop populated by undergraduates studying music and picked out some...iced tea.  He was an incredibly nice man with varied interests and the conversation flowed from both sides. 

As an aside, isn't live conversation a dying art?  Between the brevity of texting, the choppiness of online chatting, and the incomplete sentences of email, it seems like I do very little connecting face to face on a daily basis.  It was refreshing.

He took me on a brief tour of his community garden, I introduced him to my take on beers with a visit to a great little liquor store.  He walked me home and ended the date with a gentlemanly hug.  Lovely.

It was such a pleasant evening.  I'm not sure this guy is the right one for me, but at the very least, I think I made a new friend. 

Frankly, I'm not sure that this gal is ready for anything serious at this point.  Think I'm still tweaking the relationship with my single self.

Diet Violation

After months of planning and packing, I have finally made the move to Eastern Time Zone and am getting settled in the new surroundings.  The car is out, new going out clothes, heels, and some very creative storage solutions are in.  A new city, a new set of men to explore, and hopefully, a chance to find love.

I have a confession to make...

Against my better judgment, I violated the surgeon diet.  I met an interesting, handsome, charming single surgeon.  We spent all day together, laughed and talked endlessly, explored our new city, had a few drinks, and kissed.  Perhaps I was a little too smug--he certainly seemed normal and things were going swimmingly.

Then, as so many prior male surgeons who have been part of this SingleFemaleSurgeon's life, he freaked out.

As expected, his excuses were plentiful:
Career, time, awkwardness in our small surgical field, etc, etc, etc.

The guy wouldn't even touch me the next morning.  Wouldn't call/text back.  He completely became distant and...weird!

Do we need to define a new pathological state here?  I think so.  What should we define as the signs/symptoms of disease?

-Male
-Surgeon
-Single
-Fear of intimacy
-Inability to date normally
-Only able to hook up
-Unable to interact with females
-Immature

Sound familiar?  Let's call it the Single Male Surgeon Syndrome from here on.  Anyone else have any signs and symptoms to add?

Perhaps I'm being overly harsh.  Maybe I keep making the same mistakes over and over.  Perhaps it's time to accept the fact that male surgeons just aren't my type?

Regardless, this guy needs to be left to his own devices. He clearly is unavailable and I am not into chasing unavailable men.  There was a time in my life when I was into that, but now, I'm just too sleep-deprived to deal with all of the drama.

So adios, Freaked-Out Single Male Surgeon.  Thanks for reminding me why I'm on this diet.  You were like a dose of Antabuse.

July 1st...er 2nd Advice

Ah July 1st.  A day of dread for many fresh new interns.  I still remember my first official day as a doctor.  I spent the entire day with a look of shock and dread on my face.  Every time my pager went off, my heart rate and blood pressure went up.  I was even afraid to prescribe Tylenol.

Many people will have many words of advice to you, and as a recently graduated chief resident, here are the SingleFemaleSurgeon's top ten tips for thriving during residency.

The underlying theme to remember here is that just because you're a resident, it doesn't mean that life stops.

1. Do one small thing that makes you feel human each day.
--Read a few pages of a (non-medical) book, work out, knit, water a plant, whatever.

2. Appreciate your family and friends and call them whenever possible. 
--Maintain your support system. If you are lucky, your fellow residents may be helpful, however, they are still your coworkers.

3. Do one thing that makes you feel like a girl each day.
--I love Coco Chanel.  Spritzing it on each morning made me feel chic, despite wearing scrubs.

4. Move your body.
--Work out as much as you can.  Try not to gain weight.  Yes, there is an intern year 15.  Choose the healthy option.  Your back will love you for this when you are standing for hours and hours.

5. Go away on vacation at least yearly.
--Explore the world.  Get out of your normal environment and see something totally different.  It brings perspective.

6. Get a hobby, if you already have one, continue to indulge in it when you have time.
--It just helps you relax and blow off steam.

7. Get your financial house in order.
--Save if you can, don't keep driving up credit card debt just because you know you're going to make more money later, read Women and Money by Suze Orman and follow the steps.

8. Don't talk about work when you're out with colleagues.

9. Find a female mentor, and be a mentor to another female.
--In my field there is quite a paucity of women faculty, but even a chief resident can be a mentor.  Males just don't get it no matter how supportive they are.

10. Vent and then let it go. 
--There just isn't enough time to stay mad.

Oh Lighten Up, It's Just a Joke!

Recently, there was an incident in the OR. 

I was scrubbed in, doing a case that I twice a week, every week.  As usual, I had a scrub tech who, despite scrubbing with me many, many times over the past one year, still wants me to do the operation with only the instruments he feels are necessary, not the ones I actually use or need.

I mentioned that these problems could all be solved if they would just break down and give me my own pick list or case card.

His reply? 

"You can't have a card because you're a woman.  You women just change your minds all the time."

For just a second, I stopped, feeling totally offended and disgusted, nearly to the point of nausea.  Then, I just went on my way and continued with the operation.  After all, people say stuff like that to me all the time.  And it was just a joke, right?

A week later, I was scrubbed in with my (male) program director.  The same thing happened--his pick list was all wrong, nothing was ready.  It was like it was the first time the operation had ever been done in the history of the world.  It was like no one had ever seen a scalpel before.

While we were waiting for yet another instrument, I mentioned the prior week's incident to my program director.  He was totally offended for me, and told me to write the guy up for misogyny.

Sheepishly...I had never even thought about writing him up.  I was offended, but seriously, I could probably write up the majority of the hospital for that kind of crap.  I hear it all day long from my junior residents, nurses, scrub techs, secretaries, attendings.  And they all pass it off as a joke!  But the sad thing is...I do, too.  Behavior like that is inexcusable.  I wouldn't say stuff like that to a guy, why do they think it's appropriate to joke around with me?  That tech never in a million years would have said such a thing to my male boss or other male residents.  So why do I let him get away with that with me?

Ultimately, I wrote him up.  Mainly out of my own embarrassment for not standing up for myself right away.  I have to say, I'm a little nervous about seeing this guy, and I hope I don't ever have to scrub with him again.  I worry about backlash.

Work/Life "Balance"

At the VA, I have recently had a number of patients who have asked me why I'm not married.  If I may say so myself, I'm a reasonably attractive, successful 31 year old woman who likes to work out five days a week.  I have a great, stimulating job that, sure, keeps me at work late often, but I have many lovely friends, and fabulous parents and younger sister.  I'm a catch, right?

But still, this doesn't seem like enough for the general public.  Let's look at the new Supreme Court nominee, Elena Kagan.  She's not married and doesn't have kids.  She has a great high profile job as Solicitor General and has had faculty appointments at Ivy League law schools.  Same deal with Sonia Sotomayor. 

Why is everyone making such a big deal out of this (see the link below)?  Why isn't it enough for a woman to be professionally successful?  And why does personal success have to be measured with a husband and kids?  And if a single male candidate was being considered, would this even be an issue?

The fact is, it is really hard for women to reach the highest echelons of professional success without making some sacrifices.  It seems like, for men in the same situation, there are suitable partners--women who are willing to stay home and take care of the household.  However, for women who attain a certain amount of success in their lives, having a partner like this may not be suitable. 

I know I want to be with someone who is, at the very least, at the same professional and intelligence level as I am.  But I worry that this pool of men actually doesn't want to be with women like me.  I think this is precisely why successful women are single--we are not willing to settle, and the men who meet our criteria aren't interested.

Also, in order to get to break the glass ceiling, we ladies have to work very, very hard.  And that means very, very long hours.  Which means barely enough time for us to maintain our current friendships and family relationships...let alone go out socializing and hunting for men.  I am on call every other weekend and five nights a week.  And the weekends I'm not on call, I spend studying, doing research, preparing for cases, and then running my household.  So the time I should be spending searching for a spouse, I spend on other things.

When I sat down with my advisor last month, he agreed.  The current system is not designed for women to have a life outside of medicine.  He encouraged me to do my best to find that work/life balance with the knowledge that it would be difficult.  I hope that maybe once out of residency and fellowship, I can find that.  However, as each year goes by, I think about the fact that maybe a family life won't be in the cards for me because I continue to seek higher professional achievements.  And that I somehow made this decision without even realizing it...by just letting the years of medical school and residency float by with hard work and long hours.

Check out the article on NY Times:
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/16/fashion/16noticed.html?ref=fashion