Hi ladies.
As a follow-up to my last post, here is an article from The Huffington Post that highlights current controversies on what kind of behavior is accepted from women in the workplace. It makes a good case for continuing to be who you are.
Enjoy!
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
A Tale of Two Philosophies
It has been a year since I have been in the clinical/surgical world, and perhaps understandably, I am having some anxiety about returning to it.
Yesterday, I had two interesting, yet contrasting conversations with two very different people.
The first conversation was with one of my male surgical colleagues. He was imparting wisdom about my return to a very high pressure environment and told me that the only way I would survive is by putting on a "big personality" to compensate for my petite size and my femaleness. Though he wasn't explicit in his characterization of a "big personality," I could easily glean what he was getting at. Namely that I needed to act more like a male surgeon--be aggressive, speak loudly, and always be ready to tear someone's head off. He said that unless I took on these attributes, I would be "steamrolled."
The other conversation was with one of my female non-surgical colleagues. We were talking about how to succeed, well maybe more like survive, in medicine. We both felt pressured to take on "big personalities" in our respective fields. However, the crux of our discussion was that taking on "male" qualities, such as those listed above, essentially went against our true personalities.
What would I say about my true personality? I'm not aggressive, but I'm not passive. I'm good at collaboration. I like taking everyone's opinions into account--including non-MD personnel, and especially the patient. I'm a great listener. I like having a peaceful, humorous, respectful OR where everyone feels comfortable in pursuing the common goal of caring for a patient as best we can. I'm good at choosing my battles and then fighting them in an honorable manner. I like multi-tasking and being detail oriented.
Many of my male colleagues like to proudly tell stories about how they yelled at a nurse or some other war stories. I am proud of the fact that I can count on one hand the times that I have raised my voice in the hospital.
Consistently throughout my training, I have been told that "female" qualities don't matter and they constitute weakness. When I was a visiting medical student, an attending told me in a paper evaluation that I wasn't assertive or aggressive enough to be in surgery. Maybe he was the one who lacked assertiveness because he couldn't tell me that to my face.
But I'd like to turn that around and say that my greatest strength is the fact that I've found success by staying true to my personality, and by finding partners in care instead of by making enemies.
Medicine is headed for a field change, and "customer service" is going to be a huge part of that, as evidenced by this New York Times article.
For you ladies in surgery or any other field of medicine, don't feel pressured to be something that you're not.
Yesterday, I had two interesting, yet contrasting conversations with two very different people.
The first conversation was with one of my male surgical colleagues. He was imparting wisdom about my return to a very high pressure environment and told me that the only way I would survive is by putting on a "big personality" to compensate for my petite size and my femaleness. Though he wasn't explicit in his characterization of a "big personality," I could easily glean what he was getting at. Namely that I needed to act more like a male surgeon--be aggressive, speak loudly, and always be ready to tear someone's head off. He said that unless I took on these attributes, I would be "steamrolled."
The other conversation was with one of my female non-surgical colleagues. We were talking about how to succeed, well maybe more like survive, in medicine. We both felt pressured to take on "big personalities" in our respective fields. However, the crux of our discussion was that taking on "male" qualities, such as those listed above, essentially went against our true personalities.
What would I say about my true personality? I'm not aggressive, but I'm not passive. I'm good at collaboration. I like taking everyone's opinions into account--including non-MD personnel, and especially the patient. I'm a great listener. I like having a peaceful, humorous, respectful OR where everyone feels comfortable in pursuing the common goal of caring for a patient as best we can. I'm good at choosing my battles and then fighting them in an honorable manner. I like multi-tasking and being detail oriented.
Many of my male colleagues like to proudly tell stories about how they yelled at a nurse or some other war stories. I am proud of the fact that I can count on one hand the times that I have raised my voice in the hospital.
Consistently throughout my training, I have been told that "female" qualities don't matter and they constitute weakness. When I was a visiting medical student, an attending told me in a paper evaluation that I wasn't assertive or aggressive enough to be in surgery. Maybe he was the one who lacked assertiveness because he couldn't tell me that to my face.
But I'd like to turn that around and say that my greatest strength is the fact that I've found success by staying true to my personality, and by finding partners in care instead of by making enemies.
Medicine is headed for a field change, and "customer service" is going to be a huge part of that, as evidenced by this New York Times article.
For you ladies in surgery or any other field of medicine, don't feel pressured to be something that you're not.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Busy Busy Busy Busy
My apologies, ladies. I know it's been a long hiatus. It ends now. As a personal policy, I generally don't make excuses for disappearing off the face of the planet, but I figured the best way to get everyone caught up would be a list of excuses. Here goes:
1. Grad Stud #1
2. Grad Stud #2
3. Hanging out with friends
4. Art historian
5. Research projects
6. Bartender
7. Research projects
8. Debaucherous annual meeting
9. Research projects
10a. Boyfriend (See item #1)
10b. Ex-Boyfriend (Again, see item #1)
Yep. I think that sums up my spring and early summer quite nicely.
Amidst writing a grant proposal, getting nowhere fast on many research projects, and winding down the joy that was my unfettered research year, I went on a whole hell of a lot of dates.
At one point, there were approximately four different men in my life (yes, two grad students, an art historian, and a bartender), but this situation became utterly unmanageable. Have any of you tried to date multiple men at once? It is exhausting. It's like having a part time job on top of a full time job.
Luckily, it turned out that of all the men, there was one frontrunner: Grad Stud #1--the gentleman from a previous post. We had the DTR* in mid-May and decided to become boyfriend and girlfriend (awwww...).
Alas, but the blissfulness only lasted a measly 6 weeks. Grad Stud #1is trying to finish his thesis by next May. And the regular schedule of research is ending for me. He didn't have time for me, and he didn't want to be the third wheel in the relationship between me and Pager. After all, Pager and I are literally joined at the hip.
So, he ended it.
Career issues strike again!
Our relationship was so fleeting and the time we spent together so minimal due to his work, that it's not a huge deal to get back to the way that I have been for the past nearly 2 years--single and female and a surgeon. I would venture to say that we hardly even knew each other really, and he didn't feel like we would have time to figure out whether we were compatible for the long haul. He also was a little younger than me and he didn't want to "waste my time" because he thought I was worried about my biological clock.
I'm seriously getting angry just writing this.
Despite his fallacious beliefs, truly the burning question for me out of this relationship--and I'm sure for many others out there--is how can two professionals date? With intense work schedules, career building, and busy social lives, how can we meet men and then how can we actually find time to get to know each other?
I grapple with this question on a daily basis, but I think it comes down to the fact that two people have to have the maturity, foresight, flexibility, understanding, and time management skills to make the relationship a priority in their lives, just like every other pressing thing. At least, that's what I've seen with my friends who are professional couples (and I'm not just talking about physician couples).
*Define the Relationship talk
1. Grad Stud #1
2. Grad Stud #2
3. Hanging out with friends
4. Art historian
5. Research projects
6. Bartender
7. Research projects
8. Debaucherous annual meeting
9. Research projects
10a. Boyfriend (See item #1)
10b. Ex-Boyfriend (Again, see item #1)
Yep. I think that sums up my spring and early summer quite nicely.
Amidst writing a grant proposal, getting nowhere fast on many research projects, and winding down the joy that was my unfettered research year, I went on a whole hell of a lot of dates.
At one point, there were approximately four different men in my life (yes, two grad students, an art historian, and a bartender), but this situation became utterly unmanageable. Have any of you tried to date multiple men at once? It is exhausting. It's like having a part time job on top of a full time job.
Luckily, it turned out that of all the men, there was one frontrunner: Grad Stud #1--the gentleman from a previous post. We had the DTR* in mid-May and decided to become boyfriend and girlfriend (awwww...).
Alas, but the blissfulness only lasted a measly 6 weeks. Grad Stud #1is trying to finish his thesis by next May. And the regular schedule of research is ending for me. He didn't have time for me, and he didn't want to be the third wheel in the relationship between me and Pager. After all, Pager and I are literally joined at the hip.
So, he ended it.
Career issues strike again!
Our relationship was so fleeting and the time we spent together so minimal due to his work, that it's not a huge deal to get back to the way that I have been for the past nearly 2 years--single and female and a surgeon. I would venture to say that we hardly even knew each other really, and he didn't feel like we would have time to figure out whether we were compatible for the long haul. He also was a little younger than me and he didn't want to "waste my time" because he thought I was worried about my biological clock.
I'm seriously getting angry just writing this.
Despite his fallacious beliefs, truly the burning question for me out of this relationship--and I'm sure for many others out there--is how can two professionals date? With intense work schedules, career building, and busy social lives, how can we meet men and then how can we actually find time to get to know each other?
I grapple with this question on a daily basis, but I think it comes down to the fact that two people have to have the maturity, foresight, flexibility, understanding, and time management skills to make the relationship a priority in their lives, just like every other pressing thing. At least, that's what I've seen with my friends who are professional couples (and I'm not just talking about physician couples).
*Define the Relationship talk
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